Like everyone else, I received a ton of marketing emails this week reminding me that I had mere days left to find the perfect Mother’s Day gift. One came in this morning that left me scratching my head. It was from an office supply store, and it offered a coupon so I could save on my last-minute Mother’s Day shopping.
As a person who works in an office, I can appreciate quality office supplies. I have my favorite pen and a preferred color of Post-it note. I understand Milton’s tragic sense of loss when someone swipes his red Swingline stapler in “Office Space.” I’m a procrastinator, so I’ll definitely be out doing some last-minute Mother’s Day shopping this weekend. But when I think about giving office supplies as a gift, all I can think of is Lloyd Dobbler’s line from “Say Anything”: “She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.” More specifically, I imagine my mother saying, “I gave you life and you gave me a pen.” Oh, the shame!
I don’t think I’m going to wind up at the office supply store searching for gifts this weekend, but what if we took the advice of that marketing email? People might end up buying gifts like…
Expo Calculator, Item 16962
- A desktop calculator, so she can add up how much money it cost to support you all those years.
- A staple remover, so she can pry out all the staples and thumbtacks left in the wall from all those posters you had up in your room as a teenager.
- A USB flash drive, so she can carry digital versions of embarrassing childhood photographs of her little angels everywhere she goes.
- A highlighter, so she can write down her phone number for you. Maybe if it’s in neon green, you’ll actually see it and remember to call!
Office supplies might not be such a great idea, now that I think about it. But if you’re going to go for the pen, at least make it a personalized version.
